My quietness was often misunderstood, I kind of liked it in a weird way, it meant that my personality was exclusive to just a few VIP’s and only those VIP’s knew who I really was. It held me back in many ways, my shyness often frustratingly stopped me from truly representing who I was, my quirky self. It’s funny though because I always had such a strong sense of who I was, I guess that was part of the reason I didn’t feel the need to speak up, I didn’t feel the need to impress anyone, which again can lead to being misunderstood. I didn’t cry for attention, I wasn’t interested in being wild, I was content in myself and I think that came from the love I knew and know.
Speaking up is something that didn’t always come naturally to me, it is hard to explain but sometimes it was as if I forgot that I could explain myself. I can remember a number of times that I had said something which was completely misunderstood and instead of explaining myself, I just didn’t say anything, almost as if I forgot that I even had a voice! Not speaking up also often meant being walked over, in nature I am kind and I want to help people, but people take advantage, and I didn’t speak up.
I have had to learn how to stand up for myself, which wasn’t easy. I always found it strange that I had no problem doing this around my immediate family, but when it came to people that I didn’t know so well for some reason it was different. It is refreshing to look back now and see growth, to know that I would not put up with half as much now as I may have before.
I find it strange in a way when I hear people say to me now that I am loud, I realise that people will not always get to see every side to you but my shy side must not be making as much of an appearance these days and I like it. The person that I have always been in is out and about. It is so nice to be able to share who I am with people, rather than feeling locked away, free to express myself.
Quietness still has it’s place and purpose in my life, it’s benefits works for me, rather than against me. I am still quieter in new situations, it gives me time to asses the social norms. I am quieter at first around new people, because I like to listen and get to know people first, I take the time to understand people. I hate it when people force their personality on others or do not allow others to express themselves because they are so drowned out. Quietness also strikes if something is wrong, even if I am trying to hide it, I naturally revert back to silence if I am not happy. However as I said I do stand up for myself now and when it is someone that I do not know so well, sometimes I just have to give myself a little nudge.
I think you have to come to the realisation that you have just as much right to speak as everyone else, that your voice is equal to others and that you do not need to shy away. There is no fear in speaking anymore, there is no worry that people will not accept me. My thoughts may be different but they are definitely not stupid and you know what, if people don’t ‘get you’, that’s okay! So if you are shy now and struggle, that’s also okay. With every new experience we all grow and we all blossom and we all turn into something so beautiful.
Looking back now I think this must be one of the reasons I loved to dance so much because it allowed me to express who I was and how I felt. I definitely recommend getting involved in anything creative, it provides a channel to express yourself, because speech isn’t the only form of expression. Remember that you have a voice that is equal to others. Your voice is no less important than any other, you too can be part of the conversation. Never feel that you have to hold back, there is no need to speak apologetically, as if you are lower than anyone else, because you aren’t and I think when you realise that, speaking is not so daunting. So speak up, have confidence and be heard. ♥